Blessed

It is such a rare moment for me to feel genuine happiness and enthusiasm. So when that moment comes, I just want to celebrate it. Finally, that moment is here now.

Been feeling really blessed that for the past couple of weeks I have been so enthusiastic. I am still not happy with my job (and my boss), but I manage to accomplish my day-to-day responsibility well. Job offers still not in sight, but at least I never stop seeking and applying for job opportunities everyday (there's no day goes by without me checking job portals). Even now I am not only busy editing my LinkedIn profile, just so it looks catchy for recruiters, but more than that I finally began to actually improve my skills by signing up for an online course and just started reading materials I never read before. There are so many things I have been wanting to learn. Thank god I finally decided to start now.

How things are going in my life still not much changed but it is the change in the way I percieve things--percieve myself--that makes it all different.

To give you some context, the past few months I had been feeling quite depressed about my career. I have been working for nearly 2 years yet I am still not promoted. I am trapped in a job I don't belong to so it is really hard for me to excel while getting out of it is not an easy option, too.What makes it all worse, I am not in good terms with my boss.

Actually, I know what I want to do. I have  always been in love with marketing and writing, yet I don't posses enough portfolio and experience to apply for jobs related to it. I have tried dozens of time, sucking my gut and just apply with this little to none experience, but I ended up with rejections--or worse, just left hanging. All those constant failures created this idea in my mind that I am just not good enough. It was so depressing to the point I slowly lost my will to live. I was always  demotivated. I always woke up feeling upset having to go to work. Everything just infuriated me. Even I got mad just by seeing my office building from afar on weekends. I was just creating this negative aura surrounding myself. It was pretty bad to the point I cried for days just thinking about it (mostly it happened when I'm alone at night).

I really wanna thank this one video of a local YouTuber I stumbled upon about three weeks ago. The YouTuber speaks about failure and what moved me is how she interprets failure differently from how people in general do. "Failure", she said, "is not about not succeeding at what you choose to do. Instead, failure is when you know you can do stuffs but you hold back because you are afraid of losing--of failing." This makes so much sense to me because as a person who lacks confidence and self-esteem, my habit to think 'I can't' and holding back from taking opportunities is actually what hinders me from going places. I close my own doors for possible opportunities out there. And that really punched me in the face.

From then on I started to slowly but surely get back up. I revised my resume, make it more appealing. I dared myself to apply for jobs. And just in a matter of days, I got calls from several companies I applied. One scheduling for interview (which I finally turned down cause I ended up not liking the business that much) and one was just an initial phone interview that left me hanging until now... But even so, the universe just shows me that when do try to change the way things are, they will slowly work the way you want it. Doors will slowly open to give you the way. Remember: slowly. So if you still not get called for the interviews now, you will, self.

And it surprises me that this enthusiasm still lasts till now. This morning I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind was "What should I do today?" Never have I ever, in my 1,9 year of working, woken up feeling so enthusiastic like that. It really makes me happy cause it just came that naturally.

I really hope I could maintain this enthusiasm for as long as I could. Not only until I finally get my dream job, but long enough so it allows me to do more in life and just optimize what I am capable of.

Never thought that a simple change of mindset can give such an impact.

While you still have the willing to live, do not ever take it for granted. Seize every opportunity to the fullest. Use your time, your brain, your energy to do positive things and just be productive. Cause that is also one of the ways you can love yourself. By believing in your potential and utilizing it to the fullest. You aren't here for nothing.